On Losing My Security Blanket

Tonight, I’m sitting on the couch in my apartment, writing this blog post and listening to “Hello” by Adele (which is hauntingly beautiful, and somewhat appropriate for what I’m writing).

A year ago today, I was also sitting on a couch, back at home. I was clutching a pillow and watching “The Golden Girls.” And I would stay there until 3 am, finally choosing to eliminate all distractions, and try for some much-needed sleep.

I had just ended a relationship; gotten rid of my security blanket. I lost something that had been a constant in my life for two and a half years, something that carried me through the difficult transition to college. I lost many of the plans I had made for the future. I lost my sense of direction.

But on that night when I lost so much, I took something back, too- my sense of self.

The anxiety-and stress-riddled girl who barely left her room and HAD to be perfect at everything? That wasn’t me. “Me” is someone who gives everything her all and tries her best- and THAT is perfect for her. And above all, she takes care of herself. Perfectionism is way less important than happiness. The quiet girl who shied away from getting to know new people, and barely talked? That wasn’t me either. Nowadays, if I’ve got something to say, you bet I’ll say it! I also happen to think I can be pretty witty and funny at times. That was a side of me I didn’t even know existed a year ago.

Last year, I had plans for my future. Today, I still have plans- they’re just different. And a lot less rigid. (Seriously, what 20- year old knows exactly what they’re going to do with their life? No one.) I’ve learned how to live- to be open to new experiences, discover passions, give myself credit for my abilities, and make my life anything I want it to be.

A year ago, I lost my security blanket. I took back myself, and my future.

In the words of Adele ~

“Hello from the other side.”


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